Death Is Not “The End”: One Agnostic’s Journey On the Bumpy Road to Belief is a journal of real supernatural events. Three hours before the Christmas Eve of 2003, the soul of Max Blau departed from a hospice in Tempe, Arizona. Yet, in Oxford, England Christmas Eve had already arrived. There in Max’s former home sat his loved ones, grief-stricken upon hearing he had died on their most loved and celebrated holiday. Then just hours after Max’s purported departure, incredible things began to happen in Oxford, and in Arizona as well.
Despite the terrible sadness caused by the untimely death of Max, my husband and dearest friend in all the world, I soon realized that things were not as they seemed. During Christmas week alone, I began to receive telephone calls from loved ones and friends dear to us. Oddly, some of the callers sounded happy, if not downright joyful just after Max had left us! In fact, his sisters and a few of his close friends called to tell me their uncanny stories. From the outset, these tales had a strange effect on me. You see, I was agnostic back then. I had no beliefs one way or another. Nevertheless, after hearing these strange details, I decided to do what I did best – sit at my coffee table and take notes.
After obtaining an advanced degree, I worked for twenty-five years as a statistician in education, health care and government, remaining, as ever, a curious person. So when these incredible events began to take place, I knew I would have to get the details down on paper if I ever wanted to do a little investigating of my own. Then later, to validate these written accounts, I sent reports to those who had kindly taken the time to tell me their stories. If there were any truth to these rare claims, my notes would have to be corroborated, and the required corrections made.
Then on New Year’s Day, two days after Max’s burial, I began to have odd experiences of my own. In fact, I soon became a party to some mind-boggling happenings in places like my home, restaurants, cafés, gardens, and even during my first trip to England! As these unbelievable events hit me, I attempted to sit still long enough to type up the stories. Then before long, I had created a computer document for every event that I had logged and saved in a calendar. Despite the bizarre goings-on, I managed to keep track of most events, including the dates and times of day. My background in psychology and years of recording research data had certainly come in handy. Nevertheless, as you will see, my journal is not written in clinical form. It is mainly written in story form.
In Death Is Not “The End” the supernatural phenomena – both explained and unexplained – are called events. The story begins with the mysterious events of December 23, 2003. It ends with the eye-opening revelation I experienced on December 23, 2004, the first anniversary of Max’s death.
Through research conducted following the fifty-odd incidents and encounters (and odd they were), I classified the events into a number of unique categories:
the shifting and displacement of physical objects in and around rooms; apparitions and other spirit encounters; synchronicities and extreme coincidences; automatic writing; numinous dreams; the movement of an undated coin; intelligent haunts; residual haunts; uncanny telephone activities; electrical demonstrations, malfunctions and breakdowns; object alteration; third eye phenomena; spirit communications received through clairvoyance, clairaudience and clairsentience; soul travel; spirit guide communications; telepathy; validation of rare events based on the frequency of repetition of the events; validation of rare events based on statistical hypothesis testing; and the discovery of a corroborating written record found after the occurrence of a rare event.
In the Post Script sections following a number of the stories, I examined the events in detail and review subject matter related to the event. The post scripts, as discussed below, are reserved primarily for post-event research and commentary. Though a number of happenings have been left unexplained, clarification is offered and interpretations are made whenever feasible.
The timeframe of Death Is Not “The End” is December 23, 2003 through December 23, 2004. Regardless, these supernatural, mystical and synchronistic happenings went far beyond the boundaries of one journal year, changing my life completely. Then because of the rare and challenging life changes I continued to experience over a subsequent eight-year period, I continued journaling. After all, the supernatural happenings did not end simply because one journal year had ended. Not by any means! Consequently, I continued to chronicle both the fathomable and the unfathomable for years to come. Nevertheless, my focus shifted because of a notable increase in synchronistic events, intuitive perceptions, signs, and exceptional communications.
As my intuitive side came to the fore, I sought to develop and further understand my newfound abilities under the guidance of Sunny Dawn Johnston of Sunlight Alliance. In 2006, while watching a news program on television, I learned of Ms. Johnston’s amazing intuitive abilities and angel work at The Sunlight Alliance Healing Center in Glendale, Arizona. I called her office immediately and began to take her classes on: Mediumship, the Angels and Archangels, and the Law of Attraction, to name just a few.
Then in the summer of 2007, I began to suffer from an infirmity that affected my constitution – my whole being. This long-term illness also involved my sight – that is, my physical vision, rather than my intuitive vision. Suddenly, I could not see the long columns of numbers I worked with daily. However, this was my job! Often the pages were blurred or weaving back and forth. Many weeks later, after trying so hard, I was forced to leave my work of twenty-two years as a consulting statistician. This was the only kind of work I had been formally trained to do. It was a scary time for me as I joined the ranks of the unemployed. How would I – how could I – continue to make a living?
Still, I could write and type with eyes unfocused or even closed, so I continued journaling, whenever I was physically able to do so. This task did not require reading or reviewing columns of numbers. Regardless, my lengthy journal still had to be rewritten and edited before it could be published!
Three and a half years and fifty-five doctors later, I finally found a doctor who properly diagnosed my illness. This wonderful naturopath treated me (and is still treating me) for endocrine disease: thyroid disease and hypoadrenalism, the stress disease. As a result of my doctor’s amazing endocrine program and all the awe-inspiring happenings I have experienced since 2003, I see now that I have truly been blessed – with perseverance, renewed energy, and a brand new perspective on life. Then too, because I have kept a detailed log for many years, my notes are ready to be formalized beyond my first journal. I look forward to the prospects with joy and anticipation!
Since my beloved Max went to the light, our bizarre, poignant and often comical communications have been rare. Nevertheless, he still visits our earthly plane of existence from time to time, most notably on special occasions. You see, Max loves parties, get-togethers and helping people of all kinds. What an incredible communicator he was and always will be!
In addition, I have heard from other visitors as well: my dearly deceased father, my paternal grandparents, my step-father who later passed at the age of ninety-five, angels, spirit guides, and family members of friends and classmates. Many of these beautiful encounters have happened subsequent to the writing of this journal, to be revealed in a future book. Nevertheless, some of these exchanges took place in 2004 when I was first introduced to my spirit guide. I am pleased to present such stories in Death Is Not “The End”.
Journal Entries. My journal contains seventy-one entries, beginning with the events of December 23, 2003 and ending with the incomparable happening of December 23, 2004. My journal delineates over fifty awesome events, spanning a year and one day. The last day is too mind-blowing and too meaningful to be excluded from this tome. Indeed, it is the sine qua non of my journal!
Over fifty refers primarily to recurring events. You see, other events occurred in 2004 that were left undocumented. That is, I did not take the time to document each type of event more than once. If the same event happened several times, I told the story just once. The most repetitive events I experienced were these: an uncanny incident in “The Toaster Trick;” Max curling up on the couch with me; an electrical episode noted in “The Hair Dryer Affair;” and Max’s spirit visitation in a church garden. Though I described the toaster trick soon after it happened, this incident occurred approximately two or three times a week for many weeks in 2004, and on into 2005. Therefore, I witnessed the phenomenal toaster trick at least twenty times – a conservative estimate.
More than fifty of the seventy-one journal entries are based on unusual, unnatural and meaningful events, such as spirit messages from Max, coincidental electrical events, and the untimely deaths that occurred soon after Max passed away. In this sense, my journal is episodic in nature, unlike a diary of daily activities, thoughts, and concerns. The general narrative and the accounts of our loved ones were written in the past tense. In contrast, I wrote what I call the “cameos,” i.e., my stories and observations concerning the extraordinary happenings, in the present tense in an effort to glue the reader to the scene.
Event Recording. Due to a meticulous bent brought on by working with numbers, I have included dates and times of day at the top of each entry. In this manner, associations and interpretations can be drawn for a better understanding of an event. Because the moon has an effect on nature, phases of the moon are included as well. At the start, I had not yet made the decision to record every observation or to keep track of dates. Later, as I began to keep more exacting records, I expressed my concerns over the neglect of a few particulars. In these cases, an estimated date/time is provided, such as Wednesday Afternoon or 1/xx/04.
The phenomenological data were initially logged as events, then told in story form. However, some information was subsequently removed. For example, if I witnessed an event that I was later unable to recall in any detail, I then excluded the event from my journal. Likewise, I excluded two separate accounts received in early 2004 from two of Max’s dear friends, a man and a woman. Both are friends of mine as well. Since then, I had been unable to reach either of the two for corroboration. So I decided it would be best to remove the stories which they had initially described to me over the phone. However, I can say with confidence that the first event happened to the man while he was walking in the woods, approximately a week after Max died. The second event concerned a phenomenon that the woman said she witnessed in my home while I was vacationing (writing) in Sedona. She had been pet-sitting and watching my house for me. The nature of the details surrounding each of these events is somewhat fuzzy. However, I do know this: both the man and the woman told me their stories with great enthusiasm. They both appeared to have been stunned by what they had seen and heard. The dear man has since moved away with no way to contact. And despite my voice messages and invitations, my friend and confidante (the woman) has not entered my home since the day she witnessed the uncanny event. Now I am unable to reach her at all. Though my friends tell me I ought not wait around, I miss her and have hopes that she will call me one day.
Despite the years gone by, I still bring a pen and a long sticky note pad with me wherever I go. As I wrote the first draft of Death Is Not “The End”, I never thought, as a few friends suggested, that the recording of all that data would be too tedious a job to undertake. Quite the contrary, I felt comfortable with this idea because the happenings were either so beautiful or so wacky that I felt compelled to get my observations down on paper. Keeping track like this, meant everything would be of record, ready to read and review. This way I could tell my mother and closest friends the amazing stories without dithering. Later, I found myself fleshing out accounts on my laptop – before work, after work, on the Wednesdays of my four-day work week, and on weekends too. Because of this, I was confident I would not be relying on old memory. Before long a journal was born. Lives were forever changed, perhaps mine most of all.
Song Lyrics. These awesome events often arrived with a song – on the radio, via musak, while I was sitting in a café, or in the office where I write. A number of the songs actually described the events as they transpired, lending a synchronistic quality to the whole experience. These songs had become part of the experience itself. Even today, as I remember seeing Max’s spirit on January 3, 2004, I still hear the song “Unchained Melody.” This soulful song was an integral part of my mystical experience that day. You see, approximately five minutes after Max appeared on the arm of my sofa, I changed the television channel out of habit. On hearing the song, “Unchained Melody,” I looked up, and there before me was the movie Ghost, while Max’s spirit hovered above the arm of my sofa. I was stunned!
People are incredulous when they hear this story, thinking it could not possibly have happened. It sounds surreal – too good to be true, they say. Objectively I agree with them. But I am here to tell you that, to my downright amazement, it happened. And in all humility, it happened to me. My ghost story happened just as I told it. Why would I delete this account from my journal, simply because it is too far-fetched for people to believe? I am here to convey to the best of my ability my story – the whole story – about the amazing phenomena experienced by our friends, loved ones, and me. And I am so happy to be telling it!
Sound became an integral part of my journal, and my journey. Because of the song lyrics and sounds that were linked to key incidents, as in the amazing ghost encounter, these lyrics give the reader a more complete picture of the event. S/he can then visualize and perhaps even feel or hear the experience from the perspective of the one who witnessed it. Such meaningful lyrics and melodies, have a way of adding dimension to my written stories. Where legally permitted, one to four lines of song lyrics have been included in my journal entries. Otherwise, the song titles alone have been included, along with the appropriate footnotes. All required permission standards have been followed, with respect to the use of song lyrics and the proper referencing of all songs in the book.
Post Scripts. The post script sections of my journal fill an important need. Post scripts provide a way of separating the events from issues concerning the events. In this manner, no true story is ever changed or manipulated beyond the necessary revisions for clarity, grammar, punctuation, style and the like.
While refining the book, I expanded on the stories by adding post scripts where there was a need for definitions, further research, and/or commentary concerning an event. Therefore, post scripts are reserved primarily for:
- My questions or comments concerning an event
- Definitions or descriptions of phenomena related to an event
- Key information from theories of consciousness
- Related information from quantum theory: for example, where an event may connect with, or have roots in, a scientific model (such as string theory, m-theory, or parallel universes)
- New material related to the story or linked concepts, as in the “Law of Attraction”
- Logical analysis of an event
- Statistical analysis of an event, where possible
- Interpretation of an event
In addition to the post scripts, Journal Entry 34 contains information on quantum physics and The Theory of Everything as related to uncommon phenomena. Journal Entry 59 sheds light on the third eye.
I do not pretend to have all the answers. In that sense, I have not attempted to analyze or interpret every event documented in this book. Some stories are brief and self-explanatory in terms of the typical conjectures put forth to make sense of the phenomena. Although I have attempted to describe the happenings in detail, some events simply defy description and rational explanation. Though I have provided post scripts after certain journal entries and interpretations, I encourage readers to take a stab at it. Get together with friends and read the stories. Analyze and interpret the amazing happenings to your satisfaction. This is half the fun and joy of the book. The other half is the stories themselves.
Please note: Due to the sensitive nature of the subject and as a protective measure, most of the names have been changed in my journal. Nevertheless, the real names of some people have been kept with their expressed permission. I have retained my pen name and the nom de plume of my deceased spouse, Max Blau, as well. Every person, place and event documented herein is real. Yet despite my best efforts to capture in writing the quintessence of a supernatural happening, certain events have left me baffled, no less in the year of this publication.
I continue to keep records of rare and unusual events. Yet there is more than enough to tell, based solely on the breathtaking year that followed the death of my beloved Max. I humbly present my story to you, my readers, in Death Is Not “The End”: One Agnostic’s Journey On the Bumpy Road to Belief!